The Be Mighty Mom Ministry
When Grief Shows Up at the Holidays and How God Changes Everything
Hello Reader
Thanksgiving has been a challenging holiday for us. Not because we don’t have a lot to be thankful for—we do—but because of what the day brings up for our family. While the sensory overload, food aversions, and close quarters can be a struggle for Maximus, we actually understand those parts. We know how to support him. We know how to prepare him. That part no longer surprises us.
For us, the hardest part is simply being home… because home reminds us of our sweet dog, Chase, who passed away in July 2024.
Thanksgiving was his holiday.
He and I would sit on the floor together and play while watching the National Dog Show. Mike would be cooking in the kitchen, the whole house smelling like Thanksgiving. And when it was finally time to sit down and eat, Chase always got his very own special meal—served on the same little Thanksgiving plate every single year. Being home reminds us that we are without him. And though he may have been “just a dog” to the world around us, he was not that to me. He was my sanity, my comfort, and my steady, unconditional love from age eighteen all the way through thirty-two.
Grief can make the holidays complicated.
Grief from losing someone physically.
Grief from losing a beloved pet.
Grief from relationships that changed or fell away.
Grief from the family or the holiday traditions you imagined you’d have.
Grief does not always mean death. It simply means “deep sorrow.” Literally. That’s the dictionary definition. We can feel deep sorrow over traditions we had to abandon, or the picture-perfect holiday moments we had to release… and at the same time, feel genuine joy knowing we are making the right choices for our children. Two emotions—even conflicting ones—can absolutely coexist in the same heart.
This got me thinking about how grief is talked about in the Bible, and whether Scripture ever speaks to this experience of holding two emotions at once. So many of us raising autistic or medically complex children live in that tension daily. Joy and grief, peace and overwhelm, gratitude and exhaustion. Surely God has something to say about that.
And He does.
The Bible talks openly about grief. Grief is not minimized. It’s not dismissed. It is never treated as a sign of weak faith. God validates grief and sits with us in it. Even Jesus grieved. When Lazarus died, Jesus knew He was about to raise him from the dead. He knew the ending of the story. And still, He wept first (John 11:35). He allowed Himself to fully feel the sorrow of the moment.
But what about grief and joy existing together?
The answer is actually beautiful.
Because of God. Because of salvation. There will always be a thread of joy running through our hearts even in seasons of grief, sadness, anger, or disappointment. Our joy isn’t rooted in circumstance; it’s rooted in Christ. And because of that, the joy God gives us can’t be stolen, shaken loose, or taken away.
Grief can sit in one hand and joy can sit in the other… and God is in the middle of both.
Stay Mighty,
Devotional of the Week
Psalm 30:5 (NIV)
"...weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."
There are moments in motherhood; especially motherhood touched by autism, medical complexity, or unexpected loss; where our hearts hold two truths at once. We can feel the ache of grief and the warmth of joy in the same breath. And sometimes that tension catches us off guard, especially during the holidays.
Sitting there on Thanksgiving morning, watching the traditions we’ve adapted for our kids and feeling the absence of Chase so deeply, I realized something: my grief didn’t cancel my gratitude. I could miss my dog with my whole heart… and at the same time feel joy in my boys’ faces waking up in their favorite hotel, their excitement at the Christmas decorations at Universal Orlando Resort, and the moments that made that day meaningful.
That’s what Psalm 30:5 teaches us. Grief may sit with us for a while, but joy always returns because God Himself restores it. Joy isn’t something we manufacture by having the “perfect” circumstances or the “perfect” holiday. Joy is something God places inside us. And because it comes from Him, it can exist even when sorrow is sitting right beside it.
The presence of grief doesn’t mean the absence of God.
And the presence of joy doesn’t mean the absence of sorrow.
Sometimes God transforms us right in the middle of the tension. Where both emotions coexist and somehow make room for each other.
Reflection
As moms, we often carry invisible grief. Grief over the traditions we had to let go of, the expectations we had to release, the holidays that don’t look like we imagined. And sometimes we feel guilty for feeling that sadness at all.
But God never asks us to choose between joy and grief. He holds space for both.
He reminds us that our sorrow is seen, and our joy is secure.
He strengthens us to love our children well in the present, while gently tending the places in our hearts that still ache.
He shows us that joy is not the absence of hard things. It’s His presence in the middle of them.
If your holidays look different this year… if your heart feels divided… if grief and gratitude keep trading places in your chest… that is okay. You are human. And God is with you in every emotion.
Journal Prompt
What conflicting emotions are you holding this holiday season, and what might God be showing you through both? Where have you seen joy show up, even in the moments that still carry grief?
A Closing Prayer
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for being a God who sits with me in my grief and fills me with joy at the same time. Help me release the guilt of feeling more than one emotion and trust that You can work in both. Bring comfort to the places that ache, and illuminate the moments of joy You’ve tucked into this season. Strengthen my heart, steady my spirit, and remind me that Your presence is my greatest gift—one that cannot be taken away.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
