Hey Reader,
This email may ruffle some feathers, but a post on Instagram made me stop and think. Think about how I've acted, and what I've expected from others, without ever considering what they were actually capable of giving.
And it left me realizing we've all lost sight of something really important: grace for each other.
"When was the last time you called me? When was the last time…?" The list went on and on.
And it finally ended with, "If you have to think, you already know. Being a good friend is about being present."
No. Being a good friend is about having grace for each other.
We each have lives. We're all busy in our own way. We're all carrying more than we feel capable of. And the world is telling us to hold people to higher standards. See us more. Text us more. Call us more. We are all TOO reachable now. And it's made us needy, demanding even, of other people and their time.
If someone doesn't text you for five months, (yes, I am saying months) that doesn't automatically make them a bad friend. That may mean they're caring for a sick loved one and it's taking every bit of mental energy they have. Maybe they lost their job and they're trying not to drown, too embarrassed to come to you. Not because they think you'll judge them, but because they're already judging themselves.
Scripture doesn't ask us to keep score.
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love" - Ephesians 4:2
And when Paul describes love, he says it "keeps no record of wrongs" (1 Corinthians 13:5).
Expecting other people to constantly check on us isn't God's way. The comfort and validation we're actually looking for is His.
"Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him" - Psalm 62:5
We're called to serve others. We're not called to require others to serve us. And when we sit there waiting for someone else to care enough, it stunts us. It keeps us from growing with God. It's not that they don't care. Life is hard, and we all carry that hard differently.
So what do you do when you start to feel this way about someone? When you haven't heard from them in a while, or they haven't answered your messages or calls?
Take the social pressure off them. Let them know you're there, and that you're praying for them. And then? Actually pray for them.
"You're a bad friend because you didn't text me back" does not help someone who is struggling.
And listen, I'm guilty of this. The only reason I can say any of it now is because I'm on the other side of it. I became aware. This isn't to shame anyone or make anyone angry. I want to free you from holding people to standards that cost you sight of what actually matters.
You don't need anyone to be anything for you. God already is.
P.S. — If you haven't downloaded it yet, make sure to grab the CASTLE Prayer Framework guide and workbook to start praying with intention. And if you want to add faith into your daily routine, use this interactive tracker! As always, I'm here for you. Respond and let me know how I can best serve you.
